To be killed in order to save
by Traitor of All Traitors
Summary: There is no other way to resolve this. There is nothing else you can do except this. When you're faced with a warning of loss and suffering you want no part in, your only way out...and your only way to prevent it from ever happening...is to lose the one thing you have left to surrender. To save those around you that matter...you must die. Could you make a choice like that?


Creation began on 09-04-19

Creation ended on 09-19-19

Neon Genesis Evangelion

To be killed in order to save

A/N: How many people do you have to kill to save humanity? How many people have to die to save the world? What good is science and technology if it can't save one life? None of these questions were ever truly answered in any measure that they were asked.

As he was walking back to Misato's apartment, Shinji got the feeling that he was being followed by someone. He knew that Section Two was assigned to watch the Eva pilots, but he never saw them, not that he ever knew where or when they were watching him. But he couldn't shake off the feeling that someone was nearby and waiting for him.

"You'd be right to think that, Shinji," he heard someone say to him, and he turned towards an alleyway where someone stood, obscured in the shadows. "But not for whatever reasons you might be thinking."

Before Shinji could think to turn away, he found himself within the alley, several steps from running back into the public. In the seclusion of the shadows, he saw a man…or who he thought was a man due to the sound of their voice.

"Who are you?" Shinji asked him, and he stepped out of the shadows for the boy to see. "What the heck is going on here?"

The guy was dressed in traditional Japanese clothing, a hakama comprised of a dark coat and pants and white undershirt among what looked like…a bandolier full of shotgun shells and a scabbard with what looked like a shotgun handle poking out. But what worried Shinji was that the guy looked a lot like himself, except for his hair was cut differently, short in some places and long in other places, like he had cut his hair himself, and his skin was paler, as though he didn't get any sunlight in his later years.

"This," the other guy spoke, "is a good news/bad news scenario, Shinji Ikari. The good news is that you're not going crazy."

But Shinji felt like he was going crazy because he was in front of a guy that looked just like him, only paler and was armed with firearms and munitions and sporting a metal glove over his right arm with spiked knuckles. Even the eyes were a sign that this kid was anything but pleasant.

"The bad news, though… You have to go somewhere where you can't be hurt…or be made to hurt others against your will…because in three days' time…you will be made to hurt someone against your will."

He wanted to run, but Shinji felt that he couldn't, not from this guy that looked like he was tasked with a larger purpose than he was right now. If this man was going to…condemn him, there was no stopping him.

"Why?" He asked the pale doppelgänger.

"Your soulless father, three days from now, is going to force you to suffer the loss of one of your friends by use of the Eva. To prevent this suffering, and to stop him from exploiting you further because he will never acknowledge you as either his son or as a person, you must be removed from the equation that is your very life." The pale boy explained. "If there was any other alternative to what I must do to, I would make sure you'd do it. Unfortunately, there is no solution beyond this that will resolve the matter."

"You mean…you're here to kill me?"

"I'm afraid so."

"But…can't you just…do something else? Like, I don't know, put me into a coma, hide me somewhere, or just suggest that I quit?"

"I've been shown those scenarios, and none of them will prevent that horrible experience that will break you. If you try to run, they will find you. If you try to quit, that man will find a way to force you back into service. And even if you were beaten into a coma or hidden away, I can't guarantee that you still won't be put into the Eva or found later on and put into the Eva. Believe me, if there was another way to do this, I would do it to spare you the inescapable agony you would receive from your father's malice and indifference towards you and everyone else, but this is the only one that will stop the madness you're already in."

"So…no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to walk away from this…someone I know is going to suffer…unless I stop living?"

"This is the cruel fate you've been dealt with. You get in the Eva, three days from now, and you watch as someone you call a friend is killed by your father, no matter what you say or do. To save your friend, to save everyone from this harsh fate your father will inflict, just to make you suffer…you will have to make the ultimate sacrifice and surrender your life."

Still, Shinji wanted to run away from this guy that was so much like him, to get as far away as possible, to scream or something, but his feet wouldn't respond.

"You're afraid," he heard the pale boy say to him. "I can tell. You want to run from me, from what you feel is an unfair fate you're being dealt, but you can't. You don't want to die, but you don't want to be made to take anyone's life because of your father's uncaring heart. I can understand your fear of the unknown that comes with dying. Dying…isn't as scary as most people think it is."

"How can you know for sure?" Shinji asked him.

"Because I died once. I was your age when I breathed my final breath. In many ways, we're the same person, but our lives went down different routes. You haven't suffered the way I did…and I haven't experienced piloting the Eva…in life or death…and will never understand it like how you do. Have you ever thought of what might've been had you walked away the first time you came to Tokyo-3? Or maybe had people that actually gave you the time of day instead of seeing you as some person's child, left this forsaken country of perpetual summertime, found a love interest in someone that actually cares about you as a friend…or died younger? Maybe…because deep down…you know what is likely to happen on this path you're on. We have been on this path before, many, many times, and whether we like it or not, you and I both know where it ends…and it isn't pretty."

Shinji would sometimes have minor fantasies of living different lives from the one he currently had, like living somewhere in the States, being a part of a magic kingdom in some small band of misfits, or in Tokyo back in its old days, decades before Second Impact. And the thought of at least one of those lives affording him the view of the seasons beyond summer…and no longer having to hear the cicadas every now and then.

"Is there really no other way out of this?" He asked him.

"I'm sorry, but no," the pale double responded. "Please, turn away."

"What?"

"You should never look into the eyes…of those you kill, whether you have intent or not. They haunt you for eternity until your own soul is redeemed."

Shinji, feeling miserable over this, turned around and faced the building wall across from the other building in the alley.

"I'll allow you a moment to pray," the guy told him, taking out his kama.

"Can you do me one favor?" Shinji asked him.

"What is the favor?"

"Could you…make sure that none of my friends suffer because of the Eva?"

The pale double inhaled a new breath and answered, "You have my word."

He was a young man that hated pain, whether it was physical or emotional, and knowing that he was about to die was an emotional blow to his soul. Needing to spare him the pain he wouldn't escape from, he aimed his kama's blade where his heart was; severing the heart would allow for Shinji to die instantaneously…and without pain.

"I am sorry it had to come to this," he told him. "I pray that you find peace and happiness in your next life."

"Thank you," Shinji praised him.

He pulled back the kama…and thrust forward.

Shinji Ikari never felt the blade passing through his shirt, flesh or bones. He never felt the cold steel slice through his heart. It was quick, clean and painless. His soul departed before his body fell to the ground.

"I am sorry," the pale double repeated to the newly-dead boy. "Now comes the hard part. The very worst thing I've ever done to someone that didn't deserve it."

-x-

"…Where is that idiot when you him to do something?" Asuka Langley Soryu wondered aloud as she and Hikari walked down the street towards Misato's apartment.

"He's probably with Suzuhara and Aida," Hikari suggested, noticing some people gathering down the street. "They could be at an arcade or the hospital visiting Suzuhara's sister…or…"

"Aaaaah!" Someone screamed, and the two looked at where someone else was pointing.

"Gott im Himmel," Asuka gasped, looking up at a streetlight.

Strung up like a scarecrow or a sacrifice, Shinji Ikari was suspended off the ground by two streetlights with cables tied to his wrists, a bloody gash on his white shirt, and some sort of note stuck to his front. Behind was a large message written in red on the side of a building: "HE DIED SO THAT YOU COULD LIVE".

-x-

"…Someone wanted to leave a message," said Ritsuko to Gendo, Misato, Kaji and Fuyutsuki in the former's office. "Cause of death was a massive severing to the heart. Death was instantaneous. The Third Child probably never saw it coming."

"Where was Section Two when this happened?" Misato demanded.

"One agent explains that they were given falsified Intel that the Third Child would still be here," Kaji answered. "None of them ever thought to question the possibility that the information they were given was fabricated."

"Did they say who gave them the false Intel?" Gendo questioned, and all eyes were on him.

"They say it was you, Commander Ikari," Fuyutsuki told him.

"What did the note found on his body say?"

"It would seem that it was written by the person that killed your son," Misato stated, holding the note. "They wrote that killing Shinji was…his only great regret, but that it had to be done. In addition to this note, there was a second note that was addressed to who it concerns, and that it was instructed to be delivered to him upon the death of Shinji…and if we failed to do so, they'd do it themselves."

"Who is the person the note is to be delivered to?" Fuyutsuki asked her.

"Toji Suzuhara."

"One of Shinji's classmates?" Kaji questioned.

"NERV is under no obligation to inform people of what was behind this unexpected action," Gendo insisted.

Misato then handed the secondary note to him.

"Perhaps you should read why it was your son that was killed," she told him.

Gendo picked up the note and read it to himself.

"_To Toji Suzuhara, you're probably wondering why it was your friend that was killed. It was never anything personal when I saw him, but with his father, it was personal. With his father, it will always be personal. The guy's as cold as he is soulless, never a kind word, never any interest in Shinji's interest, not even something as simple as how he was feeling about the life he was forced into by him. And so…I had to take his life, the only one that Gendo Ikari would've had the most difficulty trying to control to his liking. I had to take the life of the only person on this whole planet that a demented madman would've exploited to the point of self-destruction so that he would be free from his suffering and wouldn't be the cause of further suffering, and all because his own father wanted his only son to understand him, which was impossible if the guy refused to explain his reasons for hurting everyone the way that he does. As much as I wanted Shinji to live, there was no chance of him walking away from the path of undesired hurt he would've been made to inflict upon you all had he continued to pilot the Eva. For all of you to live…he had to be the one to pay the ultimate price. He needed to be set free from his father, above all else. Live to see the future. Live for Shinji."_

Gendo couldn't believe this! Someone up and killed his son…just to stop him from exploiting him further. And out of the assumption that he was incapable of understanding him.

Misato was wracked by grief over Shinji being dead over something as awful as his heartless father causing him pain through the Eva. Maybe if she had been around when he was out in the city, maybe if she had sent him back to his uncle, he'd be alive right now.

-x-

Sighing as he set the note addressed to him down on the table, Toji found the death of his friend to be a train wreck of emotions over why he was killed; he came home to find a note stuck to his front door addressed to him…and felt grief over knowing that Shinji was now dead. In addition to this, whoever wanted him to know also wanted him to know that it wasn't his fault the boy was dead, that it was Shinji's father's fault.

"Someone just kills Shinji…just to get at his father," he utters. "Why couldn't they just kill his father? Why did they have to kill Shinji instead of his old man?"

-x-

Looking out at the city, Shinji's pale double waited for his transportation to arrive.

Suddenly, a portal behind him opened up…and a little girl wearing golden armor that had a scaly, reptilian theme to its design, long, ebony hair adorning her head and blue eyes.

"Good evening, Death," she greeted him. "Were you…able to do it?"

Turning to face the girl, the pale one, Death, responded, "Like there was any other alternative for a person that had no other way of walking away from this nightmare he was in? I took care of him. None of these people have any idea how lucky they are right now to be free of the Angels now that Shinji's no longer among them. Please…don't ever have me do something like this again. He was innocent and wanted nothing to do with this madness he was forced into. Even if there was no other choice…he deserved to live more than his parents deserve to die."

The little girl lowered her head down and responded, "He always does, one way or another."

She then came over and looked out at the city, reminded of how the one she had visited before looked…and reminded of how soulless it seemed because it wasn't meant to be a place where people could live, but a death trap to bring about their undoing. Never in a lifetime did she ever think that this city would be where Shinji would breathe his last breath.

"We…should leave now," she told Death. "There's been enough suffering."

"Unfortunately, Little Rumi, suffering is like death and destruction: It's never enough…and it's too much."

A portal opened up behind them and they left through it.

-x-

_Epilogue_

NERV was placed on indefinite standby after the murder of the Third Child. They had been cut down to just two pilots; an attempt was made to find a Fourth Child, but their best choice, Toji Suzuhara, had declined due to personal reasons.

Asuka Langley Soryu, despite her disgust toward Shinji when he was alive, would often visit his grave every other week just to remind herself that he had been around during the time she was in the country.

Misato Katsuragi had a difficult time grieving over Shinji's death, since there were no prints, signs of struggle, signs that Shinji had been drugged, not even witnesses around before this murder occurred. She knew that there were a lot of people out in the world that hated NERV, even people that hated Gendo Ikari more than NERV, but nobody willing to murder a fourteen-year-old boy just to show that hatred. There was even one suspect that lived in Osaka-2 that made no qualms about having a score to settle with Gendo, but he didn't know the man had a son until he saw it on the news that the boy was dead; the guy didn't even dare to venture to Tokyo-3 after he heard a rumor that it was a hotspot for attacks by giant monsters and more people left the city than moved into it.

Ritsuko Akagi had been ordered by Gendo to try and persuade the Fourth Child candidate to reconsider his decision to decline piloting the Eva, but she was unable to do so on account of the Suzuhara boy having received a note from the person that killed Shinji, explaining why he had to die. To know that the killer regretted having to do so, but seeing no other alternative made the boy disgusted that it was mainly because of his friend's father, not because of some other factor.

Gendo, despite the way he seemed indifferent about the fact that his son was dead, was heavily disappointed with himself above all others. Not only had he failed to reach his goal in his scenario, which was impossible for him to achieve, but he had lost the only other link to his past with Yui. Having it sink in that his son was dead, that it was his fault because of his coldness towards him and his willingness to hurt him, his agenda was now for naught; going over the translation of the Dead Sea Scrolls, his goal hinged upon Shinji just being alive and inside the Eva during each Angel attack, whether he was conscious or not, cooperative or not. But now that he was gone, there was no further point in the mission to defeat the Angels; as far as he or SEELE knew from what they read from the scrolls, the exploitation of the Third Child in the pursuit of the Human Instrumentality Project was a definite, which made it a priority to ensure that the boy was as close to Unit-01 as possible.

Kozo Fuyutsuki found himself questioning why anyone would choose to kill Shinji if they didn't want him to die at all. As much as he knew that people could claim there was nothing personal when they chose to go after someone with the intention to execute them, it always seemed like anyone with intent to murder had a personal reason for doing so. He even had to state this to Gendo, because whoever killed his son did it to spare him further pain over their lack of a relationship and his own unwillingness to reconcile with the boy.

Rei Ayanami, out of most of NERV, couldn't understand why anyone, regardless of the reason, would only kill Shinji and ignore any other member of the agency. She couldn't ascertain as to what benefit it did to murder a boy that did nothing to deserve it. If anyone was likely to have been murdered that day or on another day, it was one with access to NERV files or had a large measure of influence within the agency; she felt it meaningless to execute an Eva pilot, even if there was some meaning to it.

_But now he can't suffer no more because of it, _she had thought as the Eva had caused him pain.

Everyone grieved in their own way over the loss of Shinji. Some dealt with it by working, others by living from one day to the next. But those at NERV had to deal with it by waiting for the next Angel to attack, as the majority of the personnel were kept in the dark about how many Angels there were and when they were likely to appear. Because neither Gendo or Fuyutsuki informed them of their attacks, all they could do was wait. Wait for an attack, wait for another day to wonder when and if another attack would be imminent, and for some measure of salvation or absolution…that may never come.

He died so that all of you could live

A/N: How often are we to assume that there is no other way to resolve something serious? How many times will we just decide to answer a problem with violence, the so-called solution? And in how many universes will that be the answer while only an excuse to be cruel in others. We can either resolve our issues with peace…or embrace the savagery that we were trying to escape from generations past.


End file.
